No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
