I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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