I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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