After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
