there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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