I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
