This girl is more easily done than said...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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