the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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