I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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