Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
