if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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