You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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