Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize