The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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