I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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