I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
