I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
