Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
