____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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