and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
