there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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