I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
