I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nicole vs. Life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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