i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
