the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
