You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
