thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
