i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
