we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize