I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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