my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
