ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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