I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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