Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
