I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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