So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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