I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
