My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
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I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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