I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
