It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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