I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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