I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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