I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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