his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
