Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
