Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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