he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
