How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
