I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
