please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
