He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Did we literally take a cab across the street
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
