I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
