i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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