i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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