I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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