Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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