shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
