I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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