This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
