Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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