chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
