i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
