An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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