Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's shark week go big or go home
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
