woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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