I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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