I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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