Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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