SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
