just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
