the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
